Over the next six posts, I want to feature the work of friends. When I look back at the last 20+ years of my life, I am shocked by the people the Lord has put into my life. Incredible people doing incredible things; people I’m humbled to say I even know. Some of these people you know, and other are more hidden. I’d like to introduce you to some of them now.
What are the stories that make us who we are? Some are inside jokes shared among family members that are impossible to explain. Others are tragedies that once experienced, leave us forever different. Some stories are secret, remaining locked inside, only to be shared in time. Others are obvious and celebrated, impacting our last names or our jobs or identities for all we meet.
All of us have stories that have made us who we are today. The good, the bad, and the ugly. The ones we would have chosen, the ones we wouldn’t have. The ones we did choose, and the ones we didn’t. All of them come together to create a unique, unrepeatable you. They build your character.
I have honest conversations with God about this sometimes. Because even as the hard stuff is coming at me, I know I can’t hate it completely. Because I realize, looking back at my life, if it wasn’t for the hard stuff, I wouldn’t be the woman I am today.
Argh. Even the worst stuff was… good.
It’s hard to love the Cross as we’re carrying it. But looking back, we have to admit that the heaviest crosses often made us who we are. That can be a good thing or a wretched thing, depending on how we carry them.
We’re all going to sin. We’re all going to be wounded, by our own mistakes or by the mistakes of others. People are going to hurt us and fail us. We are all going to suffer.
We can carry that with Christ or without him.
Without him, and those wounds are going to fester and weaken us. They’ll get infected and lead to depression, anger, despair.
With him, and they’re going to make us stronger…more empathetic, understanding, patient, loving. More like Him.
You can only learn this mysterious lesson by suffering.
Argh. Another reason to love the Cross that’s so heavy on my shoulders.
There’s a lot that can be said about suffering and wounds–too much for this little post. This post was supposed to be about my friend Jean.
You see, my friend Jean has suffered in her life. But you wouldn't know it when you meet her. She will likely have a smile on her face and be helping someone who needs her. She has a quick wit and an ability to see a deeper side of things.
But those are the things are often learned the hard way. How to smile, how to help, how to laugh… Those are lessons learned when we give our crosses to God.
Jean has learned a lot through suffering, and for many years now she has gone one step further… she’s been helping others through those graces God gave her.
In her book, Helping Families Recover From Addiction, Jean connects the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous with Ignatian spirituality to help us learn from her own story as a spouse and mother of recovering addicts. We benefit from her struggles, her questions, and her prayer to see that addiction doesn’t just have physical dimensions but spiritual and familial ones, as well.
There are stories that have made us who we are today– but no story is not shared. No wound, no cross, no suffering is only experienced by one. We belong to families, to friends, to communities. Our wounds are theirs, to a certain extent. Their wounds are ours. And healing comes when we walk together.
Perhaps you think you haven’t been affected by addiction. Maybe you think addiction is someone else’s story. If that’s true, consider yourself blessed. But I’d hazard a guess that’s not true. Whether hidden, ignored, or misunderstood, addiction is real and prevalent. It’s likely affected you in some way.
There are so many things I appreciated about this book. I was cursorily familiar with the 12 Steps and was appreciative of them on the sidelines; this gave me a clear understanding and new perspective. The Steps and St. Ignatius’ profound wisdom can help all of us, regardless of what we struggle with (let’s face it, we’re all addicted to something, whether it’s our sins or our phone). And when it comes to the art of accompaniment, we live in a world desperately in need. So there is something in here for everyone–even if it just means you become a better friend.
In this beautiful book, Jean courageously allows us to journey with her and gain from her ups and downs, struggles and blessings. It is a vulnerable work that is both spiritual reading and a practical guide in one. I’m grateful to call Jean a friend. I’m grateful for the work the Lord has done in her life. And I’m grateful she’s heroic enough to share it with us.
A very enticing introduction to Jean and her book! Thank you.